The Story of the Bodhi Tree

Creative mojo, where are you?

I am feeling uncreative these days. I am even unsure of what to knit! I always have knitting on the go. I want to be productive but it seems like perhaps I need a quick break in order to be inspired again? I have lists in my head (sound familiar Shael?) of what I have to do. Trades, gifts, things so I can open up my etsy shop, stuff for the baby, pants for Bodhi.

This pregnancy is really exhausting and so maybe that is adding to how I feel. So I guess I should let the lists pile up while I take a rest, because I know that I always get it done in the end. Actually, that is how I work best.

Third time is the charm

Well folks, it has been a long, long time. Most of you know that I am pregnant. Yes indeed. Although it feels a little unreal, the signs are there. I have been so intensely sick and exhausted this time round. I have been taking the attitude of "one day at a time", but it is really crazy how life has to just carry on. What is more intense is that Mr.B is no longer napping regularly, so I am having a very full day from 6:30 in the am, to 7 at night (Randy has been gone before we get up + home after B is in bed!).

I have been crafting (knitting, sewing, felting...) but I have been extremely bad about taking pictures. Right now I am madly working away at gifts for winter solstice. Little gifts for B's friends, and gifts for family. This weekend I am counting on getting some good time ALONE where I can finnish things up.

I am expecting that within the next month I will start to feel better, and that I will get back into the swing of things!

Change

These days have been full of messes & packing. While life is moving along as it does (especially with kids) I feel challenged in many ways. It takes time for me to adjust to change (even good change), and the reality is that I will not feel settled until every last corner in our new place is "just right". I think I drive Randy nuts, godbless him.

Bodhi is doing just fine with all the busy around him. I found an old mask of mine and he has taken it over. It is now a hockey mask. Um, sure....

Days at the park are changing too. It is chilly, and almost too cold for my hands to keep busy with knitting!

Divided

I had one of those days today where my mind was busy. So many thoughts, good and bad. I feel like this is a very special time in my life and I feel so blessed to be able to spend my days doing what I do (being a mama). But, it does not make it easy. In fact I have many a day where I lose myself in my thoughts and I even become a little ungrateful. Certain things put everything in perspective.

Having become a mom at such a young age, and having been through such a major life experience, I feel as though I have skipped a part of life that most people go through. You know, like the whole career thing. As a mum you often get asked the question "what did you used to do before you had kids?". Before Bodhi was born I was in school working towards becoming a midwife. I honestly thought that I would be able to go back to school shortly after he was born, and I did take a couple of courses. I still have it in the back of mind that one day I may still be interested in becoming a midwife. Right now I feel like it is not even a possibility.

My love of textile arts is growing day by day. I love it and always have. I am constantly thinking about what to create, or what is inspiring. I am always interested in learning new things, and I know that throughout my life I will explore different ways of making art. In terms of a career, I feel torn. I am not the type who is able to mass produce. I get bored and exhausted by it, and ultimately I think it takes the joy out of doing it.

In life there really is so much potential for anything. At times I feel like my life is shadowed with fear and anxiety. Right now I have a strong feeling that a new chapter in my life is beginning: I am ready to take some time and space for my health and well being. I am open to new experiences and although my mind says "fear" or "anxiety", I know that there is nothing that I could not get through.

So while my mind may be saying otherwise, I am going to carry on and move through life greatly and graciously.

Where is my camera?

Please St. Anthony come around, something's lost and can be found! I have misplaced my camera. I had it yesterday and now I cannot find it anywhere! I wanted to photograph some of the things I have been working on the past while...

This weekend we will be going to see Spearhead with Nicole and Fredi! I have seen Michael Franti and Spearhead quite a few times (5 to be exact) which is funny because I never actually listen to him all that often, but they are great in concert and they are a very conscious/political group.

Next week we are heading up to Tofino to visit my brother and I am so excited! Bodhi and I are going with my mom and sister, and I think it will be lots of fun.

It seem really crazy that Ausgust is almost over! Especially since it has been up and down weather. I can actually already feel that fall feeling in the air.

Whistler

Bodhi and I adventured up to Whistler this week with my mum and had a great time. I always find that B's transition from home to cabin is really smooth. He had fun building houses in the woods, walking on logs (always a favorite) and finding walking sticks.

We also visited this farm where we hung out with chickens, sheep, and two big fat pigs. We also picked yummy organic blueberries, strawberries, and rasberries, and played on the swing set and play tractor. The only bummer was the mosquito factor! We all came away with tons of bites.

Now we are back in the city and eager to see friends and continue on with our regular routine. For all of the trips we do end up doing, I actually am a total homebody. I always feel best when I am in my own space. Not as adventurous as I once was and definetely not as adventurous as my brother and sister are!

Another housing opportunity has come along for us again... well actually it is the same co-op and same place. The people that were going to be moving in have decided to stay in New York. So now we are one of the five familys that will have an interview. To say that I am slightly anxious would be a big fat fib. I feel sick to my stomach because I want this place so badly!!! I feel like we have already been let down twice this summer, so I know it could happen again. I am also trying to just be as optimistic as possible- and whatever happens, happens. Anyhow, lets all keep our fingers crossed!

Process

Every artist has some sort of process that they go through in terms of creating and actually making "art". I am the type of person that really needs time and space to create. I tend to get an idea of what I want to make and then run with it. For instance, with the blankets I am making right now I have been making fabric piles, then cutting squares and from there, everything else evolves. I have never been a dedicated sketcher. I do have a book for ideas when they arise or for measurements and such, but I think because I am a perfectionist I would waste a whole lot of time twiddling my thumbs worrying about my handwriting rather than drawing. I am also the type of person that enjoys doing a project from start to finnish and then getting on to the next thing (this is not totally handy when you are making a bunch of the same thing right???). I know that people work in many different ways and sometimes I wonder if my way is not as efficient in terms of having an assembly line of things happening (this is myself having a conversation with me). BUT if I did it differently then I would feel like my spirit would be crushed and I would not want to create anymore.

Anyhow bla, bla, bla. I feel very excited about the baby blankets I have been working on! I have to make a couple of dreaded trips (one to park royal for flannel and one to roccos for linen and wool) to complete them. It feels great to be able to have some time and energy for sewing again!

Today we headed out to trout lake and had some fun at the beach + park:

Its getting better all the time

Mr. B and I had a fun and full day today. We did have a few meltdowns in the am and that was it! I was able to keep my cool and let him do his thing. Then we went park hopping along the drive with our dear friends. It is always a joy to spend a beautiful day with beautiful peeps.

My sister is hanging out with Bodhi tomarrow for a chunk of the day! I am going to take the time to catch up on some sewing. What? Sewing without interuptions? Simply divine!

I feel content knowing that Bodhi had a day of play, friends, constant nourishment, and even a nap!

Taking time for myself

A dear friend of mine gave me an amazing gift today. She took me to have a steam and massage at miraj hammam. It was unbelievably luxurious and so relaxing. Afterwards we drop in here for a yummy iced elysian.

It felt good to have an afternoon to myself, and to be honest I wished that it could of been even longer! I felt totally rejuvinated and was much calmer with Bodhi later on when he had two major meltdowns. I will admit that it breaks my heart to watch Bodhi have such extreme fits. Today he was so hysterical and screaming so loud. I had to restrain him at times as he was hitting and throwing things. I was able to let him know that I was there for him and that I loved him.

To be honest, I never imagined that parenting would be so hard at times... or that I would have such a spirited child! I love Bodhi's fiery personality and enthusiasm for life. I only wish I had more energy for it all.

I guess I am still really learning about parenting and BALANCE. I am realizing more and more how vital it is to have some time to myself, eventhough I feel guilty when I do. I am also realizing that Bodhi loves hanging out with other people and that he is at a great age to do that. Slowly, slowly, slowly I am letting go of my "control" over him. I know that control is huge for me! I want to control it all, and I can't and shouldn't.

I am really looking forward to no work soon. I will have my weekends free again to spend time as a family and to begin a regular craft routine! YA!!!

Have a good weekend!

random shots of Little B and A, how cute is that?

Snack time + hot days

Today I tried something new for snack time and it was rather tasty. I made turky fingers! I got the idea from my friend Nicole, and it is super easy to do.

You will need:
*1 turkey breast
bread crumbs (I just used some frozen ezechiel bread and ground it up in my mini food processor along with some walnuts and sea salt)
*1 egg beaten
Cut the turkey breast up into pieces, and then dip into egg. I let them sit there for a second while I plugged in my waffle maker (yep, thats what I used because I don't have a grill). Now put them into the bread crumbs and toss on the waffle maker/grill/griddle or whatever. Fun times!

Today was FINALLY sunny! I have to admit it was a bit of a transition for us (the heat) and we did spend most of the day inside. We had a good visit with our good friends who brought over some yummy bagels + lox + goat cheese for breakfast. After a visit inside we made our way to trout lake where the boys did some digging and such. We attemped a nap today with no luck so instead we read and told stories and danced.

Oh and we had some fun on the deck too:

A full day indeed. Little B seems to be going through something right now. Constant meltdowns and uncontrollable srceaming fits. In all honesty it scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I am able to be present in the situation and other times I just can't stand it. Every night I hope that the next day will flow better, but it all seems to be pretty consistant. I feel like I am walking on eggshells and it is really taxing emotionally. I have been trying soooo hard to set a routine and to also set boundaries. I am trying to meet his needs and still I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong. I guess I have mama guilt! I take everything so personally and of course I want to fix it all for him. I also know that he is his own little person who is just discovering many things. He is testing limits and learning boundaries too. Mothering can be such a trip!

Off to have some "me" time... I think I will craft.